Did you ever wonder?

DId you ever wonder, when you woke early one morning where the time had gone?

Did you ever wonder, when you woke early one morning why the dreams you dreamed had evaporated?

Did you ever wonder, when you woke early one morning why you still had the empty feeling after doing so much?

Maybe today was the day when doing fell aside and you let go of the dreams and simply enjoyed the sunrise.

The words above stir in me the question of why is it after so many years of checking off the to dos on my list I feel that they will never end. I wonder what is really important and why I can’t seem to find the meaning in the next meeting that I am planning to attend.

The constant doing without meaning is a source of many of the challenges I face. For instance, how many times have I worried, “will I have enough”. Enough money. Enough intelligence. Enough good luck. Enough things. Enough love. Whatever the worry, at the center of it is the same feeling, “I need more or I will feel a sense of failure” This drive to do to acquire, to run ahead, is prevalent in everything that I can see.

One of my 2 and 1/2 year olds favorite stories is “The Lorax” (Dr. Seuss, Theodor Seuss Geisel). In this story, there is a character named the Once-ler, who finds discovers in his traveling around a place that is a paradise. Now rather than enjoying the beauty of this paradise, what he sees in it is a place to create wealth for himself and his family.

Another prominent character in this book is of course the Lorax. The Lorax is a guardian for the trees that are a central part of this paradise. Their tufts are softer than silk and are the object of the Once-ler’s desire. For he and his family are turning them into an almost magical fabric that everyone wants.

The Lorax challenges the Once-ler on several occasions to consider the consequence of his consumption of these trees. The Once-ler is annoyed and at one point lets the Lorax know that his focus is being bigger and bigger and bigger. The inevitable end of this unchecked consumption is the demise of paradise. The animals all move away and the trees are all harvested and the Once-ler is left alone to consider what he has wrought.

So I wonder if the drive that I feel to do and do and do is much like the Once-ler. It is without awareness of the cost to myself of this constant toiling without making sure there is meaning in every step.

I wonder…..

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, Feeling, Gratitude, humility, leadership, Peacefulness, Philosophy, Truth, Wisdom

Slow down, you move to fast

Slow down, you move too fast
You got to make the morning last

I sit looking out to the San Francisco Bay from my hotel room. My view of the bay looks across a busy freeway. People quickly driving to wherever they are going. Each of them driving at over 55 miles per hour. This constant motion contrasted with the placid bay reminds me of the past few days.

I have been working with the leaders of a consumer products company. They were taking time to be away from their normal routine to look at their current state and see a clear path to the future. As we spent time together, I was reminded again of how seldom we just stop and take a look at where we are. Mostly, we just keep moving. Worrying about what needs to be done, and the whole time not realizing where we really are.

I am grateful for this experience. For today, I am stopping my normal routine of focusing on where I am going (in this case I would be rushing to the airport for my flight home). Rather, I am going to drive to a park. I am going to walk for a while to just let the beauty of the park wash over me. I will allow this time to teach me what I am forgetting.

I wish you a moment of quiet in your day.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: Intuition, Knowing, leadership, Peacefulness, Quite, Truth, Wisdom

Why pulling weeds is a great Leadership Practice

This weekend was devoted to puling the thriving population of Canada thistles in my yard. If you don’t know about this “weed” it grows from an extensive deep root system. One scientist started with one foot of Canada thistle root stock and in two years it had produced over 600 feet of roots. Since these roots are deeper than you can realistically dig and the plant is a perineal, eradication is a long term project and takes patience.

I had avoided tackling this project because I was in despair. Why even go after these weeds when they certainly be back. As I was contemplating doing something else this weekend, I was remembering the sand mandala of TIbetan monks. Witnessing this art of absolute creation is quite wonderful. The monks put their full attention on creating an intricate and beautiful work of art that has images that have been part of their tradition for centuries. Sometimes weeks of daily attention are involved in the bringing this mandala to life.

After the painstaking work of the monks, when the mandala is finished it is swept into a pile and the sand is thrown into a river. This practice is a reminder for them of the impermanence of every aspect of our lives.

As I remembered the monks practice, I recognized that pulling the thistles was like a mandala for me. While I was not creating a beautiful painting per se with my actions, I was allowing other plants to grow into their full beauty without being chocked out by the thistles. I also realized that this type of service was one that could relax me if I did not hold onto a need for my work to be permanent. So my wife and I went about the process of pulling out the weeds. We knew more thistles would be back and we enjoyed the time together and the practice of bringing new beauty into our home.

I also realized that business leaders also are faced with weeds to pull almost daily. We each have some part of our work that is ongoing and we don’t particularly want to do. It could be taking care of the obstacles we are facing on a project knowing that if I eliminate today’s obstacles more obstacles will be here tomorrow. Or it could be administrative tasks that will surely be back tomorrow.

Each of us has some thistles in our work garden. Probably we are not excited about pulling these weeds so we put it off as I did. What is the outcome of delay. MORE WEEDS. They will go on until something disrupts their unchallenged growth.

What are the thistles in your work life? What can you do today to begin the process of pulling these weeds with the joy of doing it at your best and letting all annoyance be gone?

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, dotherightthing, humility, Peacefulness, Priorities, Wisdom

What happens when you turn the audio on?

Being myself is more than enough!

A few days ago, I was flying on United Airlines. The flight was pretty normal as far as the basic circumstances of flying. We boarded early and I watched as passengers filled the plane. As the boarding process was underway, I noticed a man sitting across the aisle from me talking rather loudly with a female passenger siting next to him.

I was reading something so while I was aware of the conversation near me, I didn’t pay attention to the details. The plane door was closed and we taxied for takeoff. Just as we got to the runway, the aircraft stopped and the pilot’s voice came over the public address system. “We have been informed by the FAA, that lightening has struck one of the radar systems at Chicago O’Hare (our destination) and at the moment there is a ground stop in Chicago. We are going to be on the ground here at least an hour.”

After this announcement the pilot allowed the passengers to use their cell phones if they wanted. This man that I had previously noticed started engaging in a very loud cell phone conversation. He was talking about the person sitting next to him on the plane. He said,”You would not believe it. I am sitting next to a Vice President of IBM (not the name of the company he mentioned but it is of the same name recognition)” He went on to talk in detail to this person about the content of his conversation with the person sitting next to him. I was clear that he didn’t realize that the whole cabin was aware of his conversation, including the person about whom he was speaking.

She leaned over to the person sitting next to me and voiced her discomfort in being so publicly exposed. I could feel her angst. I noticed that I was also feeling uncomfortable. I was wondering why was I feeling this way since the person was clearly not not talking about me.

As I sat with my discomfort, I found that while the guy was being so public with his conversation about how important he felt because he as talking to a Vice President of IBM, I had felt similar feelings to his. Now I never was so public in my discussions. Yet, I did brag as he was about my “accomplishment”. I did this while treating the other person as an object. Because this passenger had turned “on the audio” of his mind in such a public way, I was able to see myself.

As I further explored my discomfort, I was able to see that I have, on occasion, felt that I was important merely because of the people with whom I associated. This feeling exposed areas where I was feeling insufficient or insignificant. I had the belief that I could fill these holes through my associations with “important” people.

I know that this is never true. First I never really have anything lacking in myself. Any belief to the contrary is an illusion. I also realize that my associations with other simply because of what they can do for me are hollow at best and are a very overt way to use other people only for my purposes.

This is a good alert for me. While I can see that this behavior is reduced in my life, my discomfort showed me that it still lingers. I will be watchful is this creeps into my life so that I can stop it before it can reach full bloom.

What an interesting day on the plane!

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, dotherightthing, humility, integrity, leadership, Truth, Wisdom

What bubble am I living in?

I was reading an article in the July issue of The Atlantic titled, Infectious Exuberance. The author, Richard Shiler was writing about the boom and bust in the real estate market that have been a part of the history of the U.S.

One of the things that he talks about is how booms continue until the inevitable bust happens. He says that when a boom is happening, most people live in the “bubble” of beliefs that foster the boom. Beliefs such as “the prices of houses will continue to increase at 10% per year indefinitely” or “the safest investment you can make is buying a home”. These and other beliefs are accepted as truth by a large enough portion of the population and create a mood of inevitability.

There are some people who do not hold these beliefs. They may believe, “whenever there is a boom a bust will follow” or “it is impossible for this type of growth to continue.” Whatever their beliefs, they are watching with a different set of eyes if you will. They can see when indicators start showing a change that may lead to a reversal of the current trends of growth. While people living in the “bubble” of beliefs of inevitable growth don’t see these trends at all.

Then the bust begins. Those that were living in the “bubble” of continuous growth are “surprised” What happened, they ask? Those that had different beliefs were clearly observing the coming changes and would take action before the bust gets a full head of steam.

I say all this because it revealed to me a phenomena that I have experienced in many areas of my life. I have had times when I was so attached to something working out such as a business relationship that I did not see the signs that someone else not living in my “bubble” of optimism would have easily seen. I did not take action to correct the situation until it failed and I, like the people living in the “bubble” of inevitable growth, would have the sense of being “surprised”.

So right now, I am taking inventory of the “bubbles” that I am living in. What beliefs do I hold on to unquestioningly. For it is these beliefs that create a “blindness” in me and the outcome of continuing with these beliefs is often uncomfortable and not something I really want to happen.

What about you. What “bubbles” do you live in?

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: Accountability, dotherightthing, integrity, Intuition, leadership, success, Truth, Wisdom

What is a “real” relationship?

One of the great things about writing from the heart is that there is always plenty of material to share with you. Well, that’s true when I decide to share my inner dialogues without holding back anything out of fear of how I will look or what you might think of me. In the world of blogging it is particularly challenging for whatever I write is available to anyone who wants to read it - my family, the people I work with, people that I want to be in relationship with and mostly folks I don’t know at all.

This morning I awoke with a letter to my daughter in my heart. The starting place was one of frustration with her not being a way that I wanted her to be. As I wrote, I found that the only place to write from was focusing on me. What was it that I was feeling and where did I feel that I was not measuring up to my own inner standards?

An interesting thing happened. I began to be more and more honest with myself and in this openness, I felt more and more free. I also realized that the message I was writing about family actually applied to all relationships. So I have revised a part of my letter to my daughter to share with you.

What is a true relationship? I think the answer to that question is both complicated and simple. The complicated part comes from the beliefs that I have about what it should be. These beliefs come from who knows where – what I was told when I grew up – what I saw in the movies – my dreams of a perfect life. Whatever the origin these beliefs create an unreal world that I am constantly trying to create.

The simple answer is the question of what is true relationship seems to me to be one where I offer unconditional love and I don’t not have any attachment to who someone ought to be or any agenda of what I want from them.

The choice of what does true relationship mean is obviously very personal and my choice doesn’t mean that it is the right one for anyone other than me. This understanding is helping me though as I look at my life and see where I say I am in a true relationship yet I have a neediness that wants to be filled or a standard of behavior that I feel the other person must meet.

So often I find that my relationships come from wanting something from someone – I would like you to be my client – I want you to help me feel secure – I want to feel wanted. The list can go on and on.

What would it be like to not engage any relationship except from unconditional love and having no agenda or need? What I bring to the relationship is myself (unadorned) in service.

As I write this, I can feel a lot of fear rise up. As I watch it swirl around, I know that I am feeling a discomfort - a discomfort that is from living a life of agendas and unspoken needs. How will it be to live without this approach? I don’t know and I am going to find out – fear or not….

I will let you know how this unfolds.

With appreciation and service,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, dotherightthing, integrity, Knowing, leadership, Peacefulness, Truth, Wisdom

Why ask Why?

I have been noticing how often the question, “Why” is asked when things don’t work out the way we expect. Like when our kids have some behavior that we don’t feel is appropriate such as punching another kid. The first question asked is, “Why did you do that?” In a business setting, I have been the one asking this simple question when the sales manager’s commitment for revenue was not achieved after reassuring me that “it was in the bank!” I could go on and on with examples.

I was wondering about this today and realized that the question Why” isn’t very useful. In the case of kids, for the most part they don’t understand why they hit the other kid. Probably they are more afraid of the question “why” than they are of the consequence you are likely to give them. One of our early learned behaviors is making up an answer to this question. Remember when you mom or dad or teacher asked you why you did something. I do. Then when the didn’t like the answer I gave such as, “I don’t know” they would say something like, “sure you do, now tell me!”.

This situation carries over into all aspects of our adult lives. A spouse may ask you why you didn’t take out the garbage or some more serious question. You co-workers may ask, “why were you late with that project?”. You manager may ask, “why didn’t you meet my expectations for the quarterly goal?”. In most cases, our conditioned responses will be a story that we hope will satisfy them and not spend any time on finding the real answer to the question “why“.

So I am proposing abandoning the question. That’s right just don’t ask “why” again. It will take some getting used to, I am a skilled practitioner of using this question. Instead, I am going to ask a few different questions. Such as, “I notice that what I expected isn’t what you delivered. what can you do now to meet my expectations. (I have a hunch they may not quite know how to handle the question in that it is so simple and not what they are used to). With the kids (we have four at home), I think I will use a derivative of this question, like,” you didn’t do what you said so let’s talk about the consequence for that.”

I am curious what you might think about this approach to the question “why“. I would love to hear your comments.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, humility, integrity, leadership, Peacefulness, Trust, Truth, Wisdom

Your declaration of independence

We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it. ~William Faulkner

In the U.S. we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence. For many of us, the significance of this day may be more about time off from work, picnics and fireworks. As Sherry (my wife) and I were talking about Independence Day, we were reflecting on what this day could mean to us in a more personal way.

The signatories of the Declaration of Independence were letting the monarch of England know that they were no longer under his rule. They were setting out the terms t they were embracing for this independence. They were putting this lives on the line to stand for what was right and just to them.

Am I ready to declare my independence? What is it that I will be independent from? This question wasn’t one that I considered before today. What am I dependent on that is not supportive of my purpose and values? Oh, I thought, “that’s a good question.” Immediately I could feel a range of limitations that I automatically respond with in certain situations. What is causing these responses?

Simply said, it is beliefs that I have. These beliefs are mostly someone else’s belief that I chose as my own without consideration. So I am allowing my life to be experienced through the beliefs of others. For instance, when I was growing up, I heard a lot the admonition, “Be careful, you might get hurt.” Sometimes the concern that drove this caution was because I was clearly in harms way. Mostly though, it was a fear the adult had that was not based on fact, but on some belief they had about that situation. Like, “don’t pet that dog, it might bite you.” So I accepted their fear of dogs and was afraid myself. It goes on and on.

So today, I am declaring my independence from beliefs that limit my creative abilities and keep me from experiencing the amazing life I have created.

What do you declare your independence from today?

Until Later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, dotherightthing, integrity, leadership, Purpose, Truth, values, Wisdom

Who decides?

Freedom is being able to live with the consequences of your decisions!

I was reading the magazine, The Week and came across a section on recommended books. The author Paulo Coelho was listing his favorite books. Now I am a fan of the author, particularly his book, “The Alchemist”. Immediately I began reading the description of the books he recommended with an inner desire to make sure that I took to heart what he felt was important. I could feel my sense of urgency rising to make sure that I immediately went out and read what he felt were the important books of our time.

Wait a minute. What am I doing? I am letting someone else decide for me what is important. Why am I doing that? I ascribe to this author power to know something that I didn’t - what are the best books to read. I thought ,”how often do I relinquish my choices to someone else?” In this case, I experienced an inner dialogue that said, “he is really famous and a good writer and you want to be like him, so you better pay attention to what he says.”

This was just an small incident, yet it showed me that I can often give the power for deciding what’s important to me to someone else. I do it because I don’t want the responsibility for the decision.  I may also delegate this choice because I don’t want to take the time to understand the criteria I have for determining what is important to me. It becomes “easy” to just accept someone else’s point of view. This could be as simple as reading religiously a movie critics view on a film I want to see or accepting as truth the perspective of a political commentator.

What to do… well I am going to stop letting others decided for me. I have a sense that it will take a bit of attention at first. I have to change this life-long pattern of delegating my power to others. I’m going to make choices by using the criteria I have for what is important to me and not let others point of view be the deciding factor.

I can’t wait to see what happens.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, dotherightthing, integrity, Knowing, leadership, Peacefulness, Practices, Self, Trust, Truth, Wisdom

What do you do when you feel?

Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth move faster than your mind. - Evan Esar

I have been working through a situation that has taken a great deal of my attention. A friend who is also a client made repeated promises to me concerning a contract. I was assured of the terms of the contract were agreed to and the paperwork would be forthcoming. A few days ago, I was informed that the terms had dramatically changed.

I was upset by this and in some way not surprised. I was upset for I had counted on this person’s word. I was not surprised because this person had not been reliable in the past.

The lessons for me have been pouring forth. For one thing, I wondered why I would place confidence in someone who is not reliable. I realized that I did this because I wanted something. I wanted the security that the promised contract brought me. Rather than focus only on how I could be in service, I was focused as much on the money that was going to flow my way. I find that any time that I get focused on the money first I am out of integrity. This person was showing me my own unreliability and I am grateful for that.

Another lesson is how to feel something, such as anger and not let it take over my life. It is understandable that I would feel anger. I could hear a little voice saying, “you teach people not to be attached to their feelings so you shouldn’t feel this emotion of anger.” That is not real. I did feel it. I let it rise up and engulf my whole body. What I didn’t do it allow myself to take any action from this place of anger. The anger became a teacher for me. As I was feeling this anger, I could feel times where I had betrayed this person. I could feel times when I had been out of integrity. I could feel times when I feel unsupported. I could feel my anger with myself.

As each layer of awareness appeared, I was able to claim these feelings and own my responsibility for my past actions. As I was doing this, freedom came over me. I no longer felt anger. In fact, what I was feeling was forgiveness of myself. The feelings I had toward the other person were calm and I can feel gratitude and peace.

What a ride.

Until later,

Thomas

Technorati Tags: authenticity, courage, Feeling, Gratitude, integrity, Knowing, leadership, Peacefulness, Trust, Truth, Wisdom